I am proud of myself for that 2020 was the year when I finally started this blog,
But I am equally ashamed for not being enough.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want to share – what is my voice – what are the things I want to say – the things that people will be interested in ?! Perhaps one could call it identity crisis.
When you find yourself in front of your wardrobe – filled with so many clothes, yet, there is nothing to wear. Your husband, boyfriend, your friend shrugs and they don’t understand you. There are so many options, yet, you feel lost. Overwhelmed with choice, unsure what will be the right fit.
Perhaps, that is a good way to describe where I am right now.
Looking at all the stories I promised myself I would write and finding that nothing has been good enough.
It’s me against the perfectionism.
A battle that I have been in countless times, and somehow, even though I promised myself
it’s over, I find myself back in the battle-field.
I have so much I want to say. but I am also equally as fearful to speak up, to hear
my own voice.
I write my diary every day, the words roll out from my pen, liberating me.
There is no fear of judgement, there is no need to achieve perfectionism, I just allow it to flow, knowing it will be only for me to read.
The moment I start writing something for publishing – I freeze – I stumble – I doubt – I edit –
I just leave it.
Yet, the time is moving on.. and the only one losing the battle is me.
Courage will always be rewarded!
2020 was an incredibly challenging year for, probably, everyone.
It affected people differently.
But I don’t want to be writing about that.
My story is here, now.
A new year, new opportunities.
I have a hope that “the World will go back to normal” but as I scroll through the news feed, the possibility of any kind of “normal” seems to be fading.
This year we will have to keep going, through the discomfort of it all, and we will have to adapt quickly, as we ‘sail through the storm’
Hopefully soon I will travel to exciting, new places, but meanwhile,
I can get wonderfully lost in the adventures I had in 2020 and share some wonderful moments from right here and now:
Riga, January 14
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