I don’t know where to begin this story. Story of fear, anxiety, disappointment.
Story of breaking and learning.
Story of anticipation. Story of cancelled travel plans!
It was late September when an opportunity presented itself – a friend of mine had moved to Cape Town and suggested that I can visit anytime.
I couldn’t believe it.
South Africa had been on my travel bucket list for years!!
I had to go.
I booked my flights, luckily, with Covid, even the basic tickets could be exchanged free of charge, so whilst I planned to go for 3 weeks,
It was great knowing that I can extend the trip, if I wish.
Latvia is pretty dark and miserable during winter, so this was my great escape plan!
My only concern was that Latvia could be red-listed and that would ruin my travel plans.
(At the time we had the highest infection rate in Europe, and it wasn’t looking good..)
On November 11, I woke up with my negative covid test result (there is always a slight worry – what if it’s positive..) and it was about time to get excited for my trip, happening in around 36 hours!
I wanted to print out all the papers, fill out the entry form.- make sure I am all set for the trip!
And call it a destiny, a faith, a fatal disaster, whatever that was, I know it happened for a reason!
As I opened the page that I had looked at many times, I suddenly noticed a line that said ‘visa requirements’ - I know it was there before – I had seen it every-time I looked at my travel requirements, but I was so focused on the Covid restrictions, the test I need, and whether my country is red-listed, that I missed the visa requirements.
It’s almost like a magic trick! They always say that the magician makes you focus on one hand, while the trick is actually being performed with the other.
As I click on the link, I see a list of countries that are eligible to travel to South Africa ‘visa free’ – I quickly scan the list up and down, left to right and I don’t see LATVIA.
I go slower; Lesotho, Liberia, Liechtenstein, I don’t see Latvia on visa exception list. I freeze. There is a moment while the signal (I think it’s called neurotransmitter ) travels from what I am seeing to my brain, and realizing it.
I keep scanning the website, and find another, much shorter, list of countries that require visa when travelling to South Africa. I see Latvia on that list.
I immediately start googling to find out more info, and soon I discover that visa can be only acquired through embassy, an embassy that is only in Stockholm.
I call them, and they confirm that indeed Latvia needs to apply for travel visa through embassy..
And there is no way to speed up the 10 day processing time.
I panic! But in that state of panic I react immediately.
There is no time to waste!
I change my flights, I cancel my hotel. I do everything to avoid losing money, and once
I receive email from South Africa embassy with the visa application form and the list of things required - I start the process.
I now need to build a trip, to show evidence for my tourist visa. I change the flight times -calculating visa processing time, shipping back and forth.
I book hotel, I apply for insurance, I reach out to my boss to get letter of employment, I pre-pay for shipping label, and I print out bank statements.
10 hours later I have piles of paper-work and I am deep in it. It’s Wednesday and I want to send the application the next day, so it gets to their desk by Friday.
I go to bed, I wake up early to continue the work. I organize DHL delivery for 5pm, which gives me a deadline. I am still waiting for the travel insurance confirmation, and my passport photos. Once I have everything, I can tick off the check list, and wait for the courier.
I was so incredibly nervous, much more than I should have been..
I put it on myself, because I wanted to do it quickly,
so I get my passport earlier, so I can travel earlier..
Once it was done, once that wired brain could stop, a wave of sadness and pain washed over me. I realized I will not be going to South Africa so soon.
I should have been there already, but clearly it wasn’t mean to be.
Exactly week from Friday I received email from the embassy confirming that my passport with visa is on it’s way back to me.
Wow! 5 days ahead of the schedule. How exciting.
I immediately decided to move the tickets for little earlier, Sunday, November 28, just to add more unnecessary stress to myself.
Finally, on Thursday morning I receive a call from courier -
my passport will be deliverd to me today.
I was over the moon excited! I got my passport, confident that finally all the stress is behind me, and I am ready to once and for all think about packing.
Side note – my visa was for 30 days only (I anticipated it to be 90 days), so I was in dilemma – to go on Sunday and return shortly after news years, or rather push the ticket back to the original plan, December 2, that way I could stay in South Africa until New Years eve.
Whilst I spent the day evaluating the upside and downside of both options, I had no other worry in the world.
Friday morning I woke up 100% sure that I am going on Sunday.
I don’t want to delay something that can be done now, and surely, I have waited long enough.
Call from my friend – have you seen the news? There is some new covid variant, discovered in South Africa. UK already announced they will be temporarily closing borders.
What? Am I still dreaming? Haven’t had my coffee yet, but the taste in my mouth is surely bitter one..
I know not to trust someone immediately, half asleep I start googling news, to find big bold articles stating NEW DANGEROUS COVID STRAIN IN SOUTH AFRICA.
As my mind now slowly wakes up from this seemingly bad dream, I realize that new day presents me with new decision making challenge – to ignore the news, to risk it and go, or to push my ticket to next week after all, and wait for more news to come in.
It could be just a “storm in a tea-cup”
I’m certainly feeling stirred!
What now!
Why now?
If I would be a company, my mission statement would be
“Believe that everything happens for a reason”
so I keep reminding this to myself, as the storm evolves.
I walk my dog, I keep refreshing various news pages and the direction at which this “train is heading” is obvious... I don’t want to manifest something negative, but it’s on the news – more and more countries are announcing temporary travel ban to and from
countries in South Africa.
Can I still keep ignoring the news, hoping it works out?
I can’t. At this point it would be so stupid.
Not even jumping over the fire but jumping right in it.
I push my ticket to next week, still holding strong, comforting myself, after all, it was my second option, so maybe it’s better this way.
I am trying to get work done, I am trying to focus, to think about anything else, except this story that is breaking.. and how the plans I had for the next month are slowly crumbling in front of my eyes.
Friday evening, 7pm our government announces that travel to and from South Africa is banned until January 11, 2022.
Big bold title on my phone screen is blurred. Tears form in my eyes.
I feel defeated!
I can’t believe this is happening.
I can’t believe the timing of it.
Of course, of course I understand that universe is on my side, that I am having the best possible way – I can still change my flights, I can even get refund for my covid test. I don’t lose any money, I am safe at my own home, I can be flexible with my travel dates and
I will simply go later.
I am almost embarrassed to sound so ridiculous – complaining about not being able to travel..
I can’t express my full spectrum of emotions to my mum, as she sits in the room across from me. She dreams of having a holiday once a year, and here I am, devastated that I won’t be able to go on yet another trip.
I know she doesn’t judge me, I know she would always be empathetic towards whatever seemingly big or small problems I have, but I personally feel pathetic to express my devastation.
I share my frustration and I tell her that I will simply have to wait, and that I need some time for myself to process all the emotions.
My mum leaves and I find myself staring at the wall, home alone, with nobody to judge, I collapse. I burst into tears, and I cry hysterically for I don’t know how long. I feel so much pain. And I want to sit in that pain, I want it to dig deeper.
I want to feel sorry for myself.
This is a disaster - after the visa drama, which was, like I said, an incredible magic trick that I can’t explain. Now out of everywhere in the World, a new covid variant is found exactly where I was heading to..
That Friday night I cried myself to sleep.
And I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason.
I kept reminding that to myself the next day and the day after.
Of course, time heals everything and the reality simply ‘sinks in’.
Perhaps one would think “it’s not meant to go” but I’m determined like that – I will not give up on something I set my eyes on, especially if I have gone through the trouble
to get visa in my passport.
It’s been almost a week now since it happened, and I haven’t tried to unravel what is the reason, why things happend the way they did, why my trip to South Africa didn’t happen.
What I have realized is that the pain, the disappointment, the devastation lies not in "not going somewhere” but in the failed expectations.
It cuts deep, like paper cut. Seemingly innocent because what is expectation?
An idea, a thought that we build in our mind.. Yet, like paper cut, unfulfilled expectations – goes so much deeper that you think they could.
As my suitcase continues to collect dust, and I have stopped desperately looking for another alternative ‘winter escape plan’ , I hope this is a lesson that I have learned for life.
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